The Untitled Klainofsky Slashfic
by GeniaTheParadox
Summary: Kurt, Dave and Blaine get hilariously wasted. Smut ensues. Rated M for filth and irresponsible drinking.


Ahh, Klainofsky... the best of both of my current Favourite Glee Ships That Are Almost Kind of Canon. My OP3.

When I first had this idea it was just going to be plotless shagging - my speciality, some might say.  
But then I watched Blame It On The Alcohol, and realised that DRUNK DIALOGUE IS FUN TO WRITE. Meaning that this fic is now mainly dialogue.  
Seriously, never made myself laugh so hard in my life. Especially since I was imagining it all with hilarious drunken voices, in the style of drunk!Blaine in Blame It ("It's _so _cool that you guys are like... brothers! You're so tall!").  
So yeah. Here we are.

Anyway, reviews would be nice :)

And I still don't own Glee. I'll keep you posted if Ryan Murphy gives me a call.

P.S. Drink responsibly, everyone!

* * *

**The Untitled Klainofsky Slashfic**

Kurt, Dave and Blaine were down in Kurt's basement bedroom, proving once and for all that it was possible to have an amazing party with only three people. Kurt loved spending time with his boyfriend and his best friend, and mainly just wanted the two of them to be closer. Sometimes it was a little bit uncomfortable between Dave and Blaine – Dave was convinced that Kurt would leave him for Blaine sooner or later, Blaine was convinced Dave was going to break Kurt's heart sooner or later – but there was nothing like an empty house and an insane amount of alcohol to break the tension.

"Blaine, you are so cool!" Dave slurred, pointing in his general direction. "I mean, I kind of hated you before because you're all perfect and stuff and you have way more in common with Kurt than I do but, you, dude... _you_ are awesome!"

"Thank you!" Blaine laughed. "You're a pretty awesome guy too. Like, at first when Kurt said you guys were dating I was like 'What the fuck?' but you're actually a really nice guy_ and_, I've got to say, you're not a bad looking fellow either."

Dave laughed. "I can't believe you just used the word 'fellow'! You're so weird."

Kurt stumbled down the stairs with a six-pack of beer and a bottle of wine. The other two boys cheered and took a beer each, and Kurt filled a very large glass with wine. He took a big, undignified gulp and slumped down on Dave's lap.

"It is _so_ nice see you two getting along," he said, swaying. "I love you both so much and I hate it that you don't like each other."

"Are you kidding, baby?" said Dave. "I could _never_ hate my boy, Blaine."

"I love this guy!" said Blaine. "I totally get why you're dating him, Kurt, he's amazing!"

"He _is_ amazing," said Kurt.

"I _am_ amazing," said Dave.

They all fell about laughing. Kurt nearly fell off his boyfriend's lap, but Dave caught him and they all laughed even harder.

"My boys love each other!" Kurt cheered. "That makes me so happy... I think music is in order!"

"Yes!" Blaine cried.

Kurt walked in something close to a straight line towards his iPod dock, putting _Born This Way_ on full blast. Thank God no one was home.

"Oh, I love this song!" said Blaine, clumsily getting up.

"Dance with me, Davey," said Kurt, offering one hand to his boyfriend. The other was holding his glass of wine.

"You know I don't dance," he said.

"Aw, _please_," Kurt pouted. "Please dance with me, teddy bear."

"I don't wanna," Dave insisted. "Go dance with Blaine."

"Fine," Kurt huffed. He drank the rest of his wine in one go and gave his glass to Dave. "Blaine and I are performers and we will dance for you."

He took off his sweater and threw it aside, untucked his shirt and joined in with Blaine, who was already dancing and singing loudly along.

"_I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, on the right track, baby, I was born this way!" _

Dave was surprised at how good their voices sounded even though they both completely wasted. He was also a little surprised by just how closely they were dancing together. All the grinding and... touching. What, had they forgotten he was there?

"_Ooh, there ain't no other way! Baby, I was born this way! Baby, I was born this waaaaay!" _

Blaine and Kurt suddenly started giggling for no reason, arms around each other to hold other up, still trying to dance although they weren't in time with the music anymore. And then, quite abruptly, they were kissing.

"Whoa, what the fuck!" cried Dave. "Guys, I'm right here!"

"Sorry, I didn't... sorry," Blaine mumbled, going to get another beer. "Alcohol's fault."

"I only just started liking you, man," said Dave. "Why'd you have to ruin it by making out with my boyfriend?"

"It didn't mean anything, baby," said Kurt, going over to sit on his lap again. "It was just drunk kissing, caught up in the moment and whatever. You know you're my one and only, Davey. You're my big, sexy teddy bear."

"Damn straight," said Dave, before they started messily kissing.

"If it'll make you feel better, Dave," said Blaine after a swig of beer. "You can make out with me too. Just so everyone's even."

Kurt unattached himself from his boyfriend's mouth and grinned.

"Ooh, that's such a good idea!" he squealed. "You guys should _totally_ make out!"

"Seriously?" said Dave. "Won't that be kinda weird?"

"No way, it'll be hot!" Kurt insisted. "Come on!"

He got up and dragged Dave out of his seat, pushing him towards Blaine.

"Put on a show for me, boys!"

Blaine pulled Dave towards him, going up on his tip toes to press their lips together. Dave was tense at first, but relaxed after a while and kissed Blaine back. When they separated Kurt applauded.

"That was brilliant!" he said, clapping. "I knew you guys would be hot together."

They looked at each other and laughed, before Blaine went over to the iPod dock to change the song and Dave sat back down beside Kurt, getting another beer.

"And I wasn't even jealous or anything," Kurt slurred, pouring himself more wine. "I mean, you'd think I would be, you know, watching my boyfriend make out with my best friend, but I wasn't even jealous."

"Why would you be?" said Dave, wrapping a clumsy arm around his boyfriend. "You know you can trust me, baby, because _I love you_. I'd do _anything_ for you, Kurt. I've loved you since middle school."

"Awww, all the way since then?" Kurt cooed, sipping his drink.

"Yeah, totally. But it freaked me out then which was why I was so mean to you and I'm _so_ sorry for that!"

"You don't need to say sorry, sweetie," Kurt swayed, put down his drink and wrapped his arms around Dave's neck. "I already forgave you for all that ages and ages ago. I love you!"

"I love you too, baby!"

Blaine stumbled over to them, shambling along to _Tik Tok. _

"I am _so_ jealous of you guys," he said, looking like he was about to start sobbing. "Because you have each other and I have _no one_. I mean, I go to a school _full_ of attractive guys and I'm lead soloist in the Warblers, so I'm like _famous_ in that school. But does anyone want me? No!"

"That's not true!" said Kurt. "You've got us and we love you."

"Exactly," said Dave. "You're my boyfriend's best friend, meaning that you're _my_ best friend. And I don't get why no one at your fancy school wants you, 'cause you're totally hot."

"Really?" said Blaine. "You think I'm hot?"

"You don't?" said Dave incredulously.

"That's makes no sense," said Kurt. "And I don't get why every guy at Dalton isn't just like, throwing themselves at you. I remember when we first met and you and the Warblers sang _Teenage Dream_ and I swear, I totally fell in love with you in like, no time at all. You should have seen it, Dave, you would have fell for him too."

Blaine laughed, trying to dance and drink his beer at the same time and spilling some down himself.

"You guys," he said. "You guys are the best friends anybody could ever ask for!"

Kurt suddenly gasped. "I just had the best idea ever!"

Dave looked at him. Blaine carried on dancing badly.

"Remember when we were talking a few days ago, Davey?" said Kurt. "And we were talking about fantasies and stuff. Well we can do that now!"

Dave shook his head, swaying. "No. No, no, no, Blaine would never go for that."

"You don't know that!" Kurt insisted. "He might like the idea. You said it yourself that it would be the hottest thing _ever_. So why not?"

"What are you guys talking about?" Blaine asked.

Before Dave could speak, Kurt said "David and I would like to have sex with you."

"Wait – what?" Blaine spluttered and laughed. "You guys want to have a threesome?"

"Yes, please," said Kurt happily. "We'd like to get all up on your fine ass, Blaine Anderson."

"You don't have to if you don't want to, man," said Dave.

"No, no, no, that sounds like an awesome idea!" said Blaine. "I mean, we've all made out already tonight, and we all love each other, so... yeah!"

Kurt clapped excitedly. "Yay!"

"Nothing wrong with some casual sex between bestest friends," said Blaine, stumbling over to them and falling onto Kurt's lap.

"Precisely!" said Kurt, before pulling Blaine into a hard, passionate kiss.

Dave felt somewhere between uncomfortable and turned on as he watched them make out, moaning into each other's mouths. Kurt suddenly grabbed Dave and pulled him into the kiss too, turning his make out session with Blaine into a messy three-way kiss.

"I think... I think we should be on the bed for this," said Kurt, as Blaine and Dave continued to kiss each other.

He pushed Blaine onto Dave's lap, where they continued to make out, and make his way over to the iPod dock, turning off the music – he wasn't even sure what was playing anymore and it was just distracting now.

"Come on, guys!" Kurt cried, taking off his shirt as he went over to the bed. "Get off each other and get on me!"

Blaine and Dave got up, Blaine almost falling over, and made their way to Kurt's king sized bed.

"Wow, Kurt, you have a really gorgeous body," said Blaine, crawling onto the bed and pulling off his own shirt.

"Thank you!" said Kurt. "I used to be a cheerleader, you know."

"No way!" Blaine laughed. "That's so weird!"

"Oh yeah, I remember that from last year," said Dave, sitting on the bed. "You look totally fucking sexy in that uniform, baby."

"You have a really nice body too, Blaine," said Kurt.

"I don't believe you," said Blaine, looking blearily down at his own chest. "I'm all scrawny."

"Dude, you are so blind to your own hotness," said Dave, shaking his head.

"David, you're wearing _way_ too many clothes!" said Kurt, crawling ungracefully over to his boyfriend and pulling his shirt off. Dave groaned.

"Dave doesn't like his body," said Kurt matter-of-factly. "But I think it's the sexiest thing ever. You're my big, strong, sexy, gorgeous, perfect teddy bear, Davey!"

"Agreed!" said Blaine.

"Whatever," said Dave with a shrug. "We all know the hottest guy in the room is you, Kurt."

"Well, that's true..." said Kurt, before everyone started laughing again.

Kurt and Dave began to kiss passionately, lying down on the bed so Kurt was on his back. Blaine watched for a while before moving over to them and kissing down Kurt's neck, down his chest and his stomach, pressing his lips against Kurt's hips until he got to the waistband of his jeans. Blaine clumsily unzipped Kurt's tight jeans and pulled them off, throwing them behind him. He smiled when he saw the huge bulge in Kurt's briefs and the wet patch forming, but was also kind of nervous. This was his first time after all.

"Erm... guys?" he said timidly. "I kind of... don't know what I'm doing here."

Dave planted one last kiss on Kurt's lips and then made his way down to Blaine.

"Just follow my lead," he said.

He pulled off Kurt's underwear, releasing his boyfriend's huge, wet hard on. Blaine's eyes got a little wider, and he watched in awe as Dave ran his tongue up the cock in front of him with confidence. Kurt's sigh turned into a gasp as Dave took his erection in his mouth, bobbing his head up and down and swirling his tongue.

"That is the hottest thing I've ever seen..." Blaine whispered, his own erection pressing uncomfortably against his pants.

Dave hummed in agreement, the vibrations making Kurt cry out and buck his hips forward. Dave then took Kurt's cock out of his mouth, much to his boyfriend's disappointment, and gestured for Blaine to take over. Blaine nervously took hold of Kurt's cock and licked it from base to tip – he tasted good – before taking as much of it in his mouth as possible, bobbing his head up and down like he'd seen Dave do. Kurt moaned, throwing his head back and tangling his fingers in Blaine's black curls, as Dave watched intently. Seeing his boyfriend being sucked off by another guy was so much hotter than he ever thought it would be. Kurt's breathing became short and fast. He clung onto Blaine's hair, thrusting his hips upwards without even realising, so close to the edge that he could barely stand it.

"Oh God... oh... oh fuck, I'm gonna... I'm gonna..."

Blaine panicked a little bit, but Dave moved him out of the way saying "I got this."

Dave took every inch of Kurt's length in his mouth, humming and sucking hard, and that was all it took for Kurt to fall apart and come down his boyfriend's throat with a loud, high-pitched moan. Blaine was surprised he hadn't jizzed in his pants just from watching.

"Typical," Kurt said breathlessly, watching Dave lick his lips. "I wait... my _whole life_... for just _one_ guy to want me... and two come along at once..."

Blaine and Dave both laughed tipsily before they abruptly started making out. Kurt watched happily for a while before going to search through his bedside cabinet until he found a bottle of strawberry flavoured lube.

"On your back, Blaine," he said. "We need to get those pants off."

Blaine lay down on the bed and Kurt got to work taking his jeans and boxers off, revealing his achingly hard cock. He gave it a long, slow lick, giggling when Blaine gasped. Blaine gasped even louder when Dave removed his own pants.

"Jesus Christ, Dave!" he exclaimed. "You have a fucking monster!"

Dave just laughed. Kurt looked quite smug and suddenly spread Blaine's legs.

"I want to see Dave _fucking you_ with that monster," said Kurt, his voice sounding husky. "But, since it's your first time and all, I'm going to make sure you're nice and prepared."

Kurt covered his fingers with generous amounts of strawberry lube and slowly pushed one finger into Blaine's opening, causing him to hiss and tense up.

"Relax," said Kurt, stroking Blaine's thigh. "It'll only hurt more if you don't relax."

Dave went over to Blaine and kissed him, rubbing his nipples until he relaxed enough for Kurt to push his finger all the way inside him. Kurt moved his finger in and out, before pushing in a second and scissoring them. Blaine moaned into Dave's mouth, bucking his hips forward and his moans only got louder as Kurt added a third finger, stretching him out even more. Once Kurt removed his fingers he bent his head down and licked up some of the sweet tasting lube, prodding and teasing Blaine's hole with his tongue and making Blaine throw his head back with a cry of "Holy shit!"

"I think he's ready for me," said Dave with a chuckle.

Kurt stopped worshipping Blaine's ass and crawled over to his cabinet again to get a condom. He unrolled the condom onto Dave's cock and slicked it up with lots of lube, causing his boyfriend to groan deeply.

"Be gentle with me..." Blaine slurred with a smirk as Dave positioned himself between his legs.

Dave smirked back, before pushing the head of his cock into Blaine's ass. Blaine hissed in pain, scrunching his face up, but encouraged Dave to keep moving slowly until he was all the way in. Once Blaine had adjusted to the intrusion they started to move, slowly at first but steadily faster, both of them moaning and breathing heavily.

The whole time Kurt was watching ever second, stroking his cock – it was like a live porn movie starring his boyfriend and his best friend. What's not to love? He grabbed the bottle of lube and slicked his fingers up again, lying on his back and pushing two fingers inside his own opening. His breath caught in his throat as he scissored his fingers, adding a third and bending his arm in an awkward angle so he could just touch his prostate. Blaine turned his head at the sound of Kurt's moan, but was quickly distracted by Dave's huge cock suddenly hitting this magical spot inside him and making him scream.

Kurt suddenly got up and straddled Blaine, giving him a hard, sloppy kiss.

"Dave's beautiful cock inside you feels so good, doesn't it?" he purred against Blaine's lips.

"Oh yeah..." Blaine whispered. "So... so fucking good..."

"Well it's about to feel a whole lot better," said Kurt with an evil grin.

He got another condom and rolled it onto Blaine's cock, slicking him up with some lube and sucking his fingers clean of the sweet liquid. He positioned himself above Blaine's cock. Dave stopped his movements and held onto Kurt's hips, helping him impale himself completely on Blaine's erection in one swift move. Blaine had never felt anything so incredible in his life. Kurt lent his head back on Dave's shoulder, the couple sharing a slow, passionate kiss before they started to move. Soon they found some kind of rhythm and they were full on fucking each other, the bed creaking underneath them. Blaine was holding onto the headboard with both hands for dear life, falling apart completely, squeezed so perfectly in Kurt's tight ass and being filled to bursting with Dave's monster that managed to hit that sweet spot every time. Kurt was clawing at Blaine's chest, letting out high-pitched, wanton moans and riding his cock hard. Dave had one hand griping Blaine's thigh and the other clinging onto Kurt's hip, fucking the shit out of Blaine, so close to the edge that he could hardly breathe.

All their movements became desperate and erratic, their moans and cries even louder. Dave was the first to reach his climax, coming hard inside Blaine. Kurt was right behind him, riding out his orgasm as he erupted all over Blaine's stomach and threw his head back onto Dave's shoulder. The feeling of Dave coming inside him and Kurt's walls clenching around him was too much for Blaine to handle, and his orgasm hit him like a tidal wave, coming hard with a silent scream and clinging to the headboard until his knuckles went white.

They all collapsed on the bed in a sweaty pile of limps, Kurt and Dave either side of Blaine, breathing heavily. Then Blaine suddenly started to laugh.

"You guys, man," he chuckled breathlessly. "You guys... are the _best friends_... anyone could... ever ask for."

The three of them started to laugh, before using their last bit of energy to clean themselves up as best they could, covering themselves in the duvet and immediately passing out.

"How the hell are you properly awake right now?" Dave said gruffly, squinting in Kurt's general direction.

"I'm not going to let a little thing like... _the most horrifying hangover in the world_ stop me from showering and doing my morning skincare routine," said Kurt quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed in his bathrobe, wearing an enormous pair of sunglasses. "Also, I had to get up to puke."

"I feel like shit," groaned Dave. "I'm never drinking again."

"Until the next time," Kurt added.

They both chuckled and then immediately regretted it – the noise made their heads pound even more. Blaine suddenly woke up, sitting up quickly as if startled, before holding onto his head and slowly lying back down with a pained groan.

"Morning, sunshine," Kurt whispered.

"I know you're talking quietly," Blaine said into his hands. "But it sounds as if you're screaming directly into my ear."

He tried to open his eyes and felt like he was being stabbed in the retina by the light.

"So last night was interesting," Kurt suddenly said. "From what I can remember."

"Oh my God," Dave murmured. "That actually happened?"

"It would explain why my ass hurts so much," Blaine whispered.

They all laughed quietly, once again wishing they hadn't and groaning from the noise.

"You don't regret it, do you, Blaine?" Kurt asked. "You know, me and David taking your virginity?"

Blaine covered his eyes with his arm to block out the light.

"No," he muttered. "I'm actually kind of glad that all happened. The bits I can remember were really awesome. And I actually really care about you guys, so it's better than getting wasted and losing it with some stranger."

"Well good," said Dave, trying to sit up. "At least we don't have to feel like we took advantage of you."

"And we both care about you a lot too, sweetie," said Kurt.

Dave nodded, even though Blaine wasn't looking. Kurt managed to stand up, swaying a little bit.

"Now I don't know about you guys," he said. "But I need coffee. Preferably injected directly into my veins."

"I know I should eat something, but I'm way too nauseous," said Dave.

"I think I could stomach a nice cup of morphine, if you have any," said Blaine.

Well, at least they were all closer now, Kurt thought as he dragged himself up to the kitchen. Although 'closer' seemed like an understatement. And at least there were no regrets. Other than drinking so much.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers.  
Seriously, guys, DRINK RESPONSIBLY.  
I know in this it lead to a hot threesome, but in reality (in my experience at least) getting drunk just leads sitting in a corner wishing someone would hug you and occasionally making out with a stranger. For I am a Needy Girl Drunk.

Anyway, **REVIEWS ARE LOVE. **

xxx


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